Hi , my name is Tari .I remember last year April as the month that turned out to be the worst of all. I had been in a very good relationship with someone who I thought was the one but oh well, story for another day. The end of March had passed and I began panicking knowing that I had not seen my period the whole month and I knew it was time to take that test. Luckily I had a friend who supported me the moment I realized I was pregnant. Due to the economic and financial hardships in Zimbabwe, I also knew that there was no way I was going to be able to take care of this child let alone the guy I was dating didn’t even have a job at that time. I had moved out from my parent’s home and going back there pregnant was a non-starter! Firstly the guy blamed me for not taking morning after pills and yet probably I was ovulating so they did not work. Fast forward we sat down and agreed that we were going to go through with the abortion because we were not ready. You know how the mind works. I started to ask my friend Google and I couldn’t find a single clinic that offered  abortion services. Because of the different stories I had heard out there  turning to other ways that are unsafe was a very scary thought to me because still if anything went wrong it means I had to go back home and explain. Explain!! Explain that I was trying to have an abortion? I don’t know about you but that word is a taboo in my society even worse is the act itself! So finally I turned to a friend who then directed me to a clinic which does safe abortion although it’s illegal. She explained that it was being funded by some feminist funders who were open minded enough to fund abortion in Zimbabwe.I have never felt like i am doing a drug transaction in my life but at this point that was the case. I went there and didn’t even know whether I was supposed to freely say I am here for an abortion but anyways I whispered to the guy at the reception. That was going to cost me $60. Who was I going to question whether this is the correct amount as there was no formalised process? I just had to hustle and get the money. That was the worst day of my life and when they say phantom pain is real believe me it’s the worst up to date i still feel that pain. After the process was done, yes the abortion was done but mentally I was not ok. My boyfriend told me not to be white about things and be strong. I wanted so badly to share with my family what I had gone through but I couldn’t. I didn’t even know who I could turn to after and that’s when I realized I was all alone. If this was all legal I would have freely walked and talked to someone about it. Imagine having to go to church and the topic is about abortion. It was the worst. Anyways, I had to toughen up and I stopped being “white” about it. Up to date, I still think about the number of people who can afford that $60 and you guess is the same as mine, only a few which means they will turn to unsafe ways that are more dangerous and risky . I always wonder,shouldn’t there be a support group for us,for women to deal with the trauma of going through that? These will always be questions that will keep running through my head because I am even scared to go out there and ask without getting a side eye.