Ok here goes nothing… 

In 2019 I was just out of an on-and-off awful relationship. Looking back now I was in a strange space.. which made everything that happened even more terrifying.  

Let me start by saying nothing on God’s green earth could have convinced me to follow through with a pregnancy. Not before this, and certainly not in the future. But the way everything happened? Nobody deserves that. 

Anyway back to the horror. I’m going through this break up which leads to some very destructive behavior on my part: sex with someone from my past. Lots of it. This person was not a good person. Our previous relationship proved that but I was fighting for my life so who cared? 

Fast forward about one month into these questionable life decisions I missed my period. I made a joke about my period being late and I went from seeing this man every single day to struggling to reach him on the phone. Even though I was not pregnant yet I knew I was on my own in the event I was. 

Like I said before…. I was never going to have a baby. Between the test, reaching out to my friend for help, and finding an abortion contact in Harare it was 24 hours. Saving for it was another issue. Back then there were no social media channels sharing who you can talk to or what you can do and I was too afraid to reach out to strangers anyway. So it took us two and a half weeks to raise the $300 I was charged.

Let’s get into this abortion provider because I made it only through gods grace. I blanked his name from my mind so I have forgotten it but he is a head nurse at one of the local hospitals in Zimbabwe. I contacted him over WhatsApp and he told me the price and then when I had the money from my friend I called him. He was the worst. He arrived three hours late at this point I was weeping at the possibility of him ripping me

off because he had collected the $300 first. He arrives and has a friend (WHO I DID NOT KNOW) so already very uncomfortable. 

I had to lay on my back and this man who did not even look clean himself shoved two abortion pills into my vaginal canal. He left and I waited…. And waited ….. and waited. Two days later nothing happened. I was so afraid. So alone. Didn’t know where to go or who to call so I called him again afraid I was still pregnant. Turns out I was. As if experiencing his fingers was not bad enough the first time he came and did it a second time. I don’t think he sexually harassed me or even said anything sexual but the idea of doing all this outside of a hospital caused me so much discomfort and shame. 

The second time was the charm. I truly suffered. I cramped and cramped and cramped until I stood and felt a huge lump leave my body. I was in pain for over 7 days. On the last day I felt so much pain I begged a neighbor to bring me medicine that I overdosed on and slept for hours and hours per day. 

All the while the person I made this child with moved on to other things to other people. Not that it mattered but when there are no services available and people who can support and help something it’s like life is tumbling down. It was the worst thing I ever experienced. 

I can only imagine what it’s like for that person who cannot raise that $300 or who has nowhere to do this or who doesn’t know someone who knows someone. Having none of that is terrifying and life-changing. Hearing people talk or abortion the way they do is very sad and unpleasant. 

I went through what I did but it saved my life. I am not tied to a man who would probably be abusing me now. I managed to find a job and start taking care of myself. I realized how lucky I am and since then I have even helped friends through the same. I AM FREE. ABORTION SAVED ME.